The Coffee Shop

I do not like these dirty crooks, or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like when Congress steals,

I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like this speaker Nan,

I do not like this ‘YES WE CAN!’

I do not like this spending spree,

I’m not dumb, I know that nothing’s free,

I do not like your smug replies, when we complain about your lies.

I do not like this kind of hope.

I do not like it. nope, nope, nope!

Viewers may better understand this clip if you knew the original poem upon which this is based – “Casey at the Bat” by Ernest Thayer – often considered one of baseball’s greatest writings.

Boodro the cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asked him why was he staring?

Boo replies: “Ah have a question ta’ ask but I doan wanta’ offend you.

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a Nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure there’s nothing you could ask or say that I would find offensive.”

“Mais, A’ve always had a fantasy ta’ hava Nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well let’s see what we can do about that: #1 you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic.”

Boodro is very excited and says, “Yes! Ah’m single and Catholic.”

“OK” the Nun says. “pull into the next alley.” The Nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But then when they get back on the road, Boodro starts crying.

“My dear child” said the Nun, “why are you crying?”

“Forgive me sister, but Ah have sinned,” cries Boodro. ” Ah lied and Ah muss confess, A’m married and A’m Jewish.”

The Nun says, “That’s OK, because my name is Kevin and I’m on my way to a Halloween Party”.

For those who don’t know much about world history…… here is a condensed version.

Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were:

1. The invention of beer, and
2. The invention of the wheel which was invented to get man to the beer.

These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant.

Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish, but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today’s lesson in world history……. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.

Have you noticed the difference in the technology cost for giving a simple speech between the two political parties.  Here is an example of the costs involved in the crib notes help for one of Obama’s speeches compared to the equally effective method used by Sarah Palin:

First, here is the Obama System:

Now, here is the Palin System:
No wonder Obama’s new budget is 35% funded by borrowing!