A Condensed Version of World History

    For those who don’t know much about world history……here is a condensed version.

    Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

    The two most important events in all of history were:

    1. The invention of beer,and
    2. The invention of the wheel which was invented to get man to the beer.

    These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

    1. Liberals
    2. Conservatives.

    Once beer was discovered,it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet,so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented,they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

    Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.

    Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q’s and doing the sewing,fetching,and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
    Liberal movement.

    Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.

    Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats,the invention of group therapy,group hugs,and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.

    Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest,most powerful land animal on earth,the elephant.

    Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

    Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish,but like their beef well done. Sushi,tofu,and French food are standard liberal fare.

    Most social workers,personal injury attorneys,journalists,dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn’t fair to make the pitcher also bat.

    Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters,rodeo cowboys,lumberjacks,construction workers,firemen,medical doctors,police officers,corporate executives,athletes,Marines,and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

    Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . The liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

    Here ends today’s lesson in world history……. It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above.

    Camp Branson!

    Branson has got to be one of the funest places around.  Just spent two weeks there and looking forward to going back for a couple more after I take a week to get the yard mowed,bills paid,and chores done at home.

    Spent time at Treasure Lakes RV park.  It’s right next to the I-Max Theater and across the street from the Golden Corral.  Unfortunately that location was not the greatest influence on my “figure”.  I tended to blimp out a bit,but it sure was fun.  Treasure Lake has a couple jam sessions a week along with week-end breakfasts at the club house,and indoor swimming pool.  On Friday and Saturday evenings there was a free dance in the lodge.  If you don’t mind sharing the dance floor with a bunch of us “old dudes”it is a great scene.

    There is also fun things for the kids/grandkids if you have some to bring along.  Arcade games,pool tables,mini-golf,frisbee golf,and a number of other activities to keep the kids entertained in the park.  They told us that they will soon have two stocked ponds for the junior anglers as well. There are also ball fields and a large pavilion if you have an organized group event coming up.

    For RV’ers this is an almost ideal park.  There are lots of full hook-up RV sites divided into 4 areas on the park.  Most have 50 amp service available.  Propane is available in the park and they maintain a supply of commonly needed RV supplies if you have a need.  The park is surrounded by wooded areas and you will see deer and turkey crossings marked on the roads.  The signs are for real,in the evenings it is common to see deer and wild turkey wandering around the park.

    Just down the road a piece is Silver Dollar City.  There for one price you can have a day of fun with lots of shows,rides,and entertainment options for the family as well as an evening show that is really great.  Don’t miss the “Homestead Pickers”over at the McAffee homestead.  They have five shows daily and are a great music/comedy attraction.  The more adventurous will find the roller coasters and other rides exciting while we more sedentary folk enjoy the train ride and watch the shows.

    Near Treasure Lake is the Hamner/Barber theater.  We saw their act,and it was absolutely fabulous.  Hamner’s magic acts are nothing short of amazing and Barber’s ventriloquist skills are hard to believe.  Not every one can come out on the stage with the dummy carrying the ventriloquist!   How he does that without ending up collaposing on the floor is beyond me.  In addition to being a great illusionist,Dave Hamner is an ordained minister.  On Sundays the theater is transformed into a church with a regular 10:00 service.  Pastor Dave Hamner trades his illusionist’s costumes weekly for the less flashy garb of a preacher.   We found the service to be uplifting.

    Also had a great time at Buck Trent’s show down at the Branson Grand Country mall.  If you like great banjo picking and are looking for a fun show it is a good choice.  The buffet right in the mall there is a good bet as well.

    There are now more than 100 shows appearing regularly in Branson.  Some are included with various packages.  There are numerous booths around town that offer special show packages and tickets and you can likely find a free offer if you are willing to spend a hour or so in a sales presentation.

    Branson is a hard place to beat for clean family-oriented fun.  No wonder so many entertainers like to locate there.